Monday 21 May 2012

Confirmation


Have you ever had one of those moments where everything clicks into place? It's not that you're looking for it to. It happens in the most unlikely of places but somehow you mind lines up with your heart and your circumstances and click, a key turns, something changes. I, quite unexpectedly, had one of those moments last night. In the manner of fourteen year old everywhere I was at Church being Confirmed.

I wasn't really expecting much from it. I've been battling a cold for the last week and had I of had an option I would have spent the evening burrowed under a blanket on my sofa. But as it was I spent the late afternoon searching through my cloths for a dress that was 'smart casual' (dreaded words) and wouldn't shock the congregation or Bishop when I knelt down to be confirmed. Below the knee it is then.

I wasn't really looking forward to Confirmation because to be honest I wasn't sure what it meant for me. For most of the people there it was their public commitment to beginning this crazy adventure that is the Christian life. As one of the congregation pointed out it was hardly that for me because I'd been called and accepted to the priesthood before I'd even been made 'official' in terms of the Church of England. So what was it for me? Hoop jumping? Just something to get through? Cheer leading the other candidates? Switching allegiance to the Church of England? None of those really stuck.

The service was beautiful, a thirty strong choir, flickering candles, nervous but smiling candidates. The Bishop was there in all his regalia and popped over to check I'd started on my reading list for college (oh yes, I have). I was the first candidate to be confirmed and I walked up and stood before the Bishop who put his hands on my head and said:

'Nicola, God has called you by name and made you his own.'

Click. Something changed. As he prayed for me I kept my eyes open and in my eye line was the big gold cross he was wearing round his neck on the back drop of these cream and gold robes. My whole field of vision was filled with this ancient 'church-ness' that I normally find so overwhelming (and sometimes off putting.) It's not where I'm from. And yet....

One of the members of the choir came up to my husband after the service and said she couldn't believe my face at that moment. She said it was like my whole face was glowing, radiating joy. Well, I'm a cheerful person but that is something. I suppose it was that clicking in to place. That I felt it. God has made me his own, even here in this ancient institution where I feel as small as a church mouse. He has called me by name.

After the service I was chatting to some of the congregation who were commenting on how my rather unorthodox journey to this point has inspired them to think anything is possible. How wonderful. The Bishop overheard and said 'Yes, we're going to ordain her next,' and for the first time I believed it. This is where you'll find me. And for the first time I thought, quite right it is too.

8 comments:

  1. Nicola, I'm so happy for you that you received this true confirmation of your calling, as a Christian and as a priest. Wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Perpetua! I'm still feeling very buzzy about it! :) x

      Delete
  2. how lovely and very moving. He has big plans for you... :)
    redx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Red, and right back at you! Hope the wait is going ok, it can be quite relaxing really can't it after all the focus on one date!

      N x

      Delete
  3. Congratulations!
    It's baptism & confirmation Sunday for us this week & I'm delighted to be assisting with the baptisms again - especially as one of the candidates is one of my students.
    I'm glad yours was a special experience, I know my original one (age 13) was, which was why I resented having to be done all over again to satisfy the CofE. [Methodism has no Bishops therefore their confirmations don't count.] But seeing it as a public affirmation of my calling saw me through...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Liz,
      I didn't realise you had to be reconfirmed if you were Methodist. That is annoying. There are so many rules and I think that's what put me off to begin with. I think the public affirmation of the calling bit was definitely some of what I experienced. And it's good to be reminded that God will do what he does regardless of our expectations!

      N x

      Delete
  4. Nicola, reading this moved me to tears! What a wonderful confirmation from God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thanks Hannah! I've had a couple of moments this week where I've been willing myself not to cry, ha ha! I'm such a weeper!!

      Thanks for commenting! x

      Delete