One year down!

With the shake of a lambs tail (or about 80,000 words, but hey, whose counting?!) here were are, at the end of the first academic year of vicar training. I really can't believe it is here. The pile of reading on my kitchen table leaves me under no illusions that the work is over for the year but it still feels like a huge achievement.

At the final service of the year at the crumbly old Parish Church in the village I found myself a little teary. Looking around that church I felt deeply content and yet so aware of how I felt when I first sat there nine months before. Walking in excited, yes, but also with a deep wondering if this was something I could actually do. As I've written about before my journey into the glittering world of full time ministry hasn't been conventional. I've not harboured dreams of working under a beautiful spire my whole life or even set foot in a church voluntarily until seven years ago. Rather than creeping up on me, this whole thing jumped out of the darkness and it scared me half to death.

 

Pretty lovely college

Being not exactly what springs to mind when you think 'Vicar' combined with having to learn my way round 'church stuff' as an alien in new lands has, at times, made me feel deeply under confident. Believing somewhere deep down that, at some point, someone might just walk in and say 'What on earth are you doing here?' and send me back to where I came from. When the first set of essay titles came through I couldn't even imagine understanding the titles let alone writing several thousand words on any of these subjects.

This year, more than anything else, I am deeply grateful that I have realised, really realised, what utter tosh all this is. The pile of essays on my desk, all penned by my own fair hand, attest to this. The services led, the confidence bubbling up, the feeling of contentment and satisfaction all point like neon signs to the same conclusion. I always suspected, but now I know it to be true, that each one of us has come to this place exactly because of who we are rather than in spite of it.

The only thing to lament is when we fail to live up to who we really are. That is all that is really asked of any of us. Being accepted for who I am, mocked a little (!) and encouraged a whole heap has made such a big difference to me. I have never been shy in coming forward but now I feel so much more able to do this with all I am rather than attempting to present a version of myself that is so much less than I have to offer.

I am really, really REALLY tired and very, very, VERY aware that there is so much more to come but nonetheless this year has been wonderfully encouraging and deeply satisfying and it seems right to celebrate that. To push yourself to the edges of all you are is something I would heartily encourage. It is there that we really begin to grow and that feels simply brilliant.

Optimism

I don't really know how to start talking about the last week. Perhaps it is best if I just begin with a picture.

From http://enoughfoodif.org/g8/london

Yes, that is 45,000 people in Hyde Park this Saturday making an enormous noise about the scandal of 1 in 8 people going to bed hungry each day in the world. This was how I ended my week.

The event came hot on the heels of another trip to London to catch up with a truly inspiring woman, Donata Kalunga. I've blogged about Donata before, that in fact was how my invitation from the lovely Build ItInternational found its way to me, but to see her in London on my home turf was tremendously exciting. We listened to Zambian music from the London African Gospel Choir (patting ourselves on the back for remembering some of the words!) and heard Donata's hugely inspiring story again.

 

The lady herself!

Coming to the UK was the first time Donata had ever left Zambia. She had never even seen the sea before and was overwhelmed with joy to be able to paddle in the waves. When I asked her how she was finding England she said 'it is like heaven!' and then squeezed me tight squealing 'my grandchild!' (she has well and truly adopted me!) She also went to see Mamma Mia in the West End and reportedly laughed for the entire thing, no doubt utterly bemused!

 

 

Seeing Donata again was my first dose of optimism for the week. Donata saw a problem in her neighbourhood and got to work fixing it, 'Disabled children are not being educated, well then I'll open a school'. No money, no problem. All these things that might reasonably be described as obstacles Donata, and many others in Zambia, described again and again as mere challenges. Something temporary to be overcome.

And all this in an environment where there are so many challenges that it must surely seem impossible. Yet, optimism they have and they have it in spades. On the bus back to Oxford the sun was going down and I said to my (long suffering!) husband, 'That's how I want to be'. God help me, one day perhaps.

Saturday, then, was another experiment in optimism but this time global optimism. I've been keeping up with the IF campaign but I have to say that on my way to the rally, partly through end of term tiredness and partly through lack of awareness, I wondered if the aims of the movement really could be achieved. Can we really see an end to hunger around the world? Sometimes I think we are so used to living with the man made, global disaster that is poverty in this world of wealth that we are numb to it. I am numb to it. In the face of such overwhelming need we freeze like a rabbit in headlights and fall into pessimism.

 

 

If this is you then my goodness get yourself to a rally! Feel the atmosphere, see the thousands of people that believe change is possible, bring your kids, bring your granny and just be encouraged. In my own life I live by the maxim that nothing ever gets done through pessimism. Game changers are people who see opportunities and possibilities and grab them. Who strive forwards for change and forget the voices that say it can't be done. Being at IF gave me a sense of global optimism in action. Nothing will change unless we believe it will. People who believe in change make change happen.

I don't know about you but I'm ready for that. Ready for it in my own life, as Donata has so ably shown me, and ready for it in the world. IF is going full steam ahead, there is so much more to do. As for me I'm going to be an optimist and be part of the solution, fancy it?

Never Juice Celery

I'm on a bit of a health kick at the moment. I discovered the amazing fact that if you eat a shed load of fruit and veg you don't pick up colds from all an sundry. I know! Who knew right?! This quest led me down the route of ordering a weekly veg box. It's all very exciting. Every week a parcel arrives on your door step and like a (sad, middle aged) child at Christmas you tear it open and yell with glee 'some chestnut mushrooms! Huzzah!'

All this excitement encouraged me to order a box of fruit for juicing. I've had a juicer for some time but like most households it ended up in the place household appliances go to die, i.e. nestled next to the bread maker and all the appendages to my food processor that I don't understand. Imagine my great joy, then, when my juicing box arrived packed with two kilos of apples, two kilos of oranges, two kilos of carrots, a big pile of beetroot, ginger, lemons and some celery.

Naturally I got to work immediately and having had some reasonable success with some carrot and apple juice last week, I thought to myself, 'hey why not blend up some more veggie juice?' I'll be so intensely healthy I will never get a cold again! In went some carrots, a nice sweet apple, a beetroot and, gulp, some celery. The emerging juice, courtesy of the beets, looked like something that would be at home on the Vampire Diaries. Undeterred I took a big swig.

 

Dalek like juicer and dodgy looking juice!

 

It was horrific.

Seriously, never, ever, ever juice celery. Nothing can mask that taste. And adding beets, well it kind of just taste like celery mixed with mud. Urgh.

 

The only place for celery if you ask me

 

I did have a bit more success today however so I thought I'd share it with you. Summer in a glass to save you from the sheer misery of the weather we are having in England at the moment.

Summer Tastes Peachy!

1 Banana (peeled and in rough chunks)

1 Peach (just chop the stone out)

2 Oranges (peeled and juiced)

One Tablespoon of Natural Yoghurt

 

Chuck in a blender, whizz it up for a minute or so and there you have it. Lovely smooth, summery smoothie

 

– and not a stick of celery in sight!!

Summertime and Gathering Stories

I don't know about you but summer for me is a time of writing new stories in my life. Whether it is the long days and plentiful hours of daylight or the feeling of coming out of hibernation from a long winter, I don't know. But I do know that when I re run the most inspiring times of my life so far they usually involved summers. Singing along with an African choir in the bush under a blanket of a thousand stars, watching the sea hit the shore and feeling like an inhabitant of the ancient world in Athens, seeing a humpback whale jump my boat in South Africa and feeling like the smallest creature in the whole wide world. Powerful stories that I am utterly grateful for and that define who I have become.

Summers are also a time when I collect other people's stories. Stories I treasure and that define me as much as my own. Brave, brave Donata and her beautiful life of service to the disabled children of Northern Zambia (who, can you believe it, I'm going to see in London in a weeks time!), the residents of Twapia (meaning 'broken') near Ndola on my first trip to Zambia with Tearfund forming co-operatives and battling poverty with determination and grit. Alcestis from Athens who took in abandoned animals into her tiny apartment because she couldn't bare to see them go hungry. These are the stories that have made me grow.

This Summer you might be resigned to being at home and willing the weather to co-operate and bring you a little sunshine but that doesn't mean inspiration and life changing stories are beyond you. Tearfund are running a very exciting campaign called 'The Choice'. Have a quick peek at the first teaser video, hot off the press...

 

 

I've yet to meet someone via Tearfund who hasn't thoroughly inspired me so I am really looking forward to being part of this journey. The stories I have gathered so far have deeply enhanced my life. I credit them for a large part of who I am. Because of the people I have met, particularly those who live in poverty, I live gratefully and more joyfully than before. They remind me that true happiness comes in unexpected packages, in service, in love and in thankfulness. So, hey, what are you waiting for? Click and get inspired this summer!

The Handmade Home – Bank Holiday Inspiration

I've been asked today to put together an article for a magazine on creating a happy, homemade home. The two are synonymous for me, handmade means love in every stitch, coat of paint or mouthful and so makes me infinitely more happy than shop bought, manufactured products. With the Bank Holiday coming up it's the perfect opportunity to do some crafting, baking and filling your home with a bit more homemade love.

If you're looking for inspiration then I'd really recommend taking a trip down to your local bookshop and picking up Cherry Menlove's new book, The Handmade Home. It is beautifully made and photographed and makes you want to throw down a blanket on the lawn, make a jug of old fashioned lemonade and bloomin' well enjoy your life. That's what I love about Cherry's book and about craft in general. It reminds us that we are not automatons, not made to work non-stop but to live. To enjoy the beautiful things in life and, even better, for them to come from our own fair hands.

One of the very inspiring things about Cherry's book, and blog in fact, is that her own life and story really shines through. She has faced some massive challenges in her life and really makes the most of each day because of it. Day to day life, let alone major challenges, along with all the pressures of the workplace, that we all experience these days, can thoroughly drain us. But in your home, you reign. This is your little corner of the world and you can make it however you want and you can do it sustainably and cheaply. You can make something beautiful just for the fun of it. Paint it pink if you so fancy. Drink your tea out of china fit for the Queen. In your place, guess who is Queen, why yes, that would be YOU!

Cherry progresses in her book through a number of different events offering ideas for things to cook, things to make - like her 'laying on the lawn' duvet and pink stripy deck chair – and things to grow. It is prime growing season, and you can grow your own flowers and veg whateversize your space. All this comes together in sumptuous arrangements that will have you arranging a dinner party quicker then you can say Domestic Goddess.

Speaking of Domestic Goddess moments, I am also providing the photos for my article on all things happy and homemade so I have a tea party to organise and photograph. Some chums are going to get a very pleasant invite in their Inbox! But really, what better way to make your friends and family feel utterly precious and spoilt than to treat them to a beautiful table jammed with homemade goodies?

You'll certainly not run short of ideas for all seasons in Cherry's book. So out with the whisk and in with the happy memories. Have a great Bank Holiday!

Basil puts me in my place

My house is full of stuff. Not secret hoarders, shortly to appear on a Channel 4 documentary levels of stuff, just lots of things. Pretty things, inherited things, revamped things, home made things but LOTS of things. My essay this week is on a fourth century writer, Basil of Caesarea. I'm supposed to be reading about his views on the Holy Spirit and how that represents an advancement on Trinitarian theology (yes, fun eh?!) but I have been waylaid by a little collection of his writings on poverty, riches and basically giving it all away.

Basil was born in to an aristocratic family but after getting serious about the whole Christianity thing found himself attracted to a simpler way of life. More than anything it seems he found his way to a deeply compassionate way of life and that motivated so much of what he did as a Priest and Bishop. He founded a home for the sick out of his own pocket dubbed the Basilia (Nicolia anyone? It has a nice ring eh?!) and saved umpteen people during a serious famine in Caesarea.

His writing certainly packs a punch:

'For if what you say is true, that you have kept from your youth the commandment of love and have given to everyone the same as to yourself, then how did you come by this wealth? Care for the needy requires the expenditure of wealth...Thus, those who love their neighbour as themselves possess nothing more than their neighbour, yet surely you seem to have great possessions! How else can this be, but that you have preferred your own enjoyment to the consolation of many? For the more you abound in wealth, the more you lack love.'

Ouch.

If THAT doesn't get you then nothing will. And so I find myself looking around at all the stuff I have and thinking about my neighbour, my global neighbours, who have so little. Guilty as charged, Basil.

But then I think of the story behind each item. The dress from the beautiful independent store on the High Street, the fabric from the girl who just set out on her own in business, the china from the charity shop on the corner, the jewellery from my Grandma's house, the quilt I made by hand. And then the lines seem to go a little hazy. What does it mean to love my neighbour? To buy nothing and put my wages in the nearest charity box? Perhaps it does, perhaps everything else is just excuses. But then I think of the lady in the haberdashery and the charity shop volunteers and my favourite author whose books I buy and it doesn't seem to so clear cut any more.

Basil left the monastic life to be back in the thick of things in Caesarea and that certainly cost him. It makes me think that perhaps the way to go is not to opt out, no matter how noble it may seem. Perhaps the best option is to really think. To give generously, to live carefully, to buy with integrity. To be neither a burden due to your irresponsibility nor to hold on so tight to what you have and so deny others what is rightly theirs.

What do you think? Is it just qualifying what is straight forward? Stuff = selfishness and there's nothing more to it? Let the conversation begin! Comment or tweet me @nicolahwriter

Dealing with Negativity

I'm a big fan of spiritual guru Gabrielle Bernstein and I particularly love her vlog this week on dealing with negative comments online so I really wanted to share it with you. I love Gabby's approach to life, full of grace and energy and with a real drive to see positive change in the world through personal transformation. Her vlog really hit home for me this week as I spent some time mulling over some negativity that has come my way recently. It's nothing to write home about but weighted me down nonetheless.

The great temptation, I found, is to fall so quickly into the kind of behaviour that is causing the problem in the first place. It's worrying natural to leap into 'an eye for an eye' and fight negativity with negativity when it is the most ineffective attitude to adopt to really transform a situation. First of all, as Gabby suggests, I've found that when comments hit home it's worth spending a little time touching base with myself and asking if they have any real merit. 'Criticism is free advice' is one of my favourite mottos. That comment may not have been made in the kind of spirit I may have wished for but it may have done me an enormous favour. Very often I take it, use it and say 'Ta very much!'.

But you know what? Sometimes people get it wrong. Sometimes people say things out of their own unresolved pool of emotion. At times like that we really need to ask ourselves why someone else's opinion has merit over our own. To have the confidence of our convictions. As a Christian I turn to one of my other fundamentals, who is my audience here? In reality my audience is one. He's the one I'm doing anything in my life for and the only one I need justify myself to.

So what if you think they've got it wrong? What then? I know how I'd like to be treated. I'd like someone to forgive me, to look beyond something stupidly said to the person underneath who, like everyone else, is simply doing their best. I'd like someone to behave in a way that brought light into the situation. There is only one response to anger and that is peace. There is only one response to negativity and that is to be positive. There is only one response to thoughtlessness and that is to forgive. Don't mistake me, that is hard. Intensely hard. I get it so wrong but that is what I'm committing to afresh to this week.